Blind Trust & Fancy Soap: Why the Intimacy of Personal Care Requires More Than Just a Training Manual

It was whilst washing my hands with an unknown (albeit fancy) brand of soap that the topic of blind trust came to me. I couldn’t decipher the elegant sounding ingredients on the label, yet here I was trusting in its safety.

I thought further. Why do we trust something blindly everyday and distrust others? 

What is the motivating factor that allows me to board a plane, a train, on the tube, the number 73 bus? Why do I blindly trust the pilot or driver? 

If I thought about this too much, I probably would never travel again.

Trust is sometimes assumed

I trust because I believe in a brand, the assumption of education and training, perceived ability and if everyone else on the plane is looking relaxed and confident, then I am fostering alliances, building communities and trust through positive experiences.

However, it is amazing how much we take trust for granted at times. 

Let me use the practice of personal care performed by a Carer and experienced by someone being cared for. If you are a paid Carer, how many times have you been sent to a complete stranger to perform personal care?

Personal care is one of the most intimate duties carried out by thousands of Carers across the UK every day. As a paid Carer, how many times have you been sent to a complete stranger to perform personal care?

It’s not uncommon for a cared-for individual to be supported by multiple Carers across a week, month or a year. Many are new Carers; strangers entering a person’s home to wash, shower, bathe and help with toileting.

I have met many new Carers who dread the prospect of providing personal care. Many haven’t been trained in how to assist with undressing and how to dry correctly. 

Yes, Carers have been instructed on temperature control and how to log the data, but what about interacting; what do they say? If they are embarrassed, then the supported individual must be embarrassed. Perhaps the Carer is so uncomfortable with personal care that they cut corners by speeding through the process? 

These are all very natural and understandable reactions from new Carers.

Many Carers are not allocated enough time to assist with personal care, as the pressure is on, with too-few staff and limited budgets to provide opportunities to connect and build trust.

It does not come as any surprise that many cared-for individuals refuse support or cancel visits prior to a personal care appointment. Frankly, I don’t blame them.

Imagine that you are about to hear a knock on the door and a Carer enters. It’s not the Carer you were expecting, but yet another new face. You have seen more than seven new faces over the last month.

You are naturally anxious. You, like many of us, have body-image issues. You may have experienced sexual and physical abuse when you were younger. You may have refused a shower over the past three days as you are nervous of yet another new stranger, that you are conscious that your body odour is strong and you are embarrassed. You don’t like to be touched. You are not a morning person.

That’s not all. Some Carers, unintentionally shame you into personal care; “If you don’t take a shower, you’ll never get a girlfriend” …” if you don’t wash again this morning that sore underneath your belly will get much worse, you’ll only have yourself to blame”….”C’mon, I’ve only got twenty minutes”…”Oh don’t worry, I’ve seen it all before…”, the list goes on.

This eighth new Carer asks, as all the others have, how does the shower work? Where are the towels? Do you have a clean sponge or flannel?

Conscious of their strict time allocation, the Carer’s language and non-verbal communication may appear curt, uncaring and less than empathetic.

You don’t like this person, and you are too polite to possibly offend with feedback.

Your anxiety is now through the roof. 

Not all personal care interactions are like this, but many are.

By allowing time to build rapport, connection and trust, personal care support will become easier for both the cared-for person and the Carer.

How do we solve this problem?

Day-to-day considerations such as staffing issues, staff sickness and holiday’s, time pressures, a lack of being trauma-informed and  professional inexperience must be taken into account and in the view of Unmuted.

Organisations can and should be planning ahead to introduce a select team of long-term Carers, who have the time to build connection and subsequently trust with people being cared for.

Emotional intelligence and connected communication will ensure staff retention, limiting the number of Carers an individual is exposed to and leading to a trusting and relaxed personal care experience.

It sounds like a challenge, but it’s easier than you think to train your organisation with emotional intelligence at the heart of your communication values.

In the long term, organisations will save money around recruitment, training and retention and reputationally, the rewards are unlimited.

If your care organisation is ready reap the rewards of this approach, Unmuted is ready to help you get there with our specialist care communication training.